Friday, June 18, 2010
Why I'm Glad CDs Are Dying
CDs are dying, and I’m just going to say good riddance. I’ve been a music fan for years and have had to put up with an inordinately long list of garbage released by money-hungry record labels and misguided, borderline retarded musicians. Here are five reasons why I’m glad CDs are dying, and why I welcome purchasing individual songs online in place of albums:
Foreign-only bonus tracks
This is something that only dorks care about, but since I’m a dork, it bothers me. Something that some musicians like to do is release a different version of their albums overseas, with more songs than what you get in the states. Granted, it’s usually two or three extra songs, but still, it pisses me off to be a die-hard fan of someone and be told that if I want to hear two more of their songs, I’ll have to pay twice the cost of the album or even more in order to do so. Beck did this shit all the time, and his reasoning was, “they have to pay more, so they should get a little extra something.” That’s a very nice reason, but it still fucks over the people who made you famous in the first place. Also, because of new tracks following the final one, those overseas have the privilege of avoiding another thing that pisses me off, and that’s
Musicians who fuck with track length for no good reason
Another thing that’s fucking annoying as all hell is having an album end, and having to sit through several long minutes of silence, only to get a little “treat” at the end. And this isn’t through another track...it’s on the same exact track as the final song. Sometimes it’s random noise, sometimes dialog, sometimes even an extra song. I know that musicians think it’s cute, but what happens if you really like the last song and want to burn it onto a CD? And don’t give me that bullshit that you’re not supposed to be burning songs onto CDs in the first place. People have always made their own mixes, and the artist knows this. Another thing which made me want to find the band and punch each of them repeatedly in the face was when I discovered that the last song was divided into around 70 separate “tracks” of a few seconds each. There’s no fucking justification for that, it’s just a pure douche move by a band trying to be cute.
Re-recordings of old hits
This is something that’s mainly affects fans of oldies. Because the musician got fucked out of royalties on the original, hit versions of a single, most of them re-recorded the songs several times in order to profit when compiled and sold as a “best of.” I have never, ever, ever in my life heard a re-recording that was even half as good as the original. A lot of times it doesn’t even sound like the same band. Sometimes the music itself has a weird contemporary sound that doesn’t fit the feel of the original song. Even more disgusting is when the CD itself is labelled with something like “original hits,” which is technically true...the musician is the original artist who recorded these. It’s still a dirty move, and I don’t care how strapped for cash they are, these musicians can go fuck themselves.
Live versions in place of singles
Let’s say you’re a fan of a certain band, and there’s one song in particular that you really love. You go out and debate between buying the album that it was on and their greatest hits. You decide to go with the greatest hits because you like some of their other hits that aren’t on the studio album. Nothing on the track listing suggests that you’re getting anything other than the hit recordings. You come home, put it in, jump to the track you bought the CD for, and you’re greeted with applause, talking, and a shitty live version of the song you wanted. Furious, you check the back again. No statement saying that there are live versions. It’s only when you open the case (non-refundable now, bitch!) and look at the booklet that you see an asterix next to the track and a note saying “recorded live at...” And it’s not one of those awesome live versions that are hits in and of themselves, like Cheap Trick’s “I Want You to Want Me.” No, this is a calculated move to get you to buy two or more albums, because you got suckered. Goddamn I fucking hate surprise live versions!!! On a related note, I hate when remixes are slapped on greatest hits albums instead of the hit version. Hey asshole, it’s casual fans that are buying the greatest hits package, not die-hards. The die-hard wants the remix and live version. For casual fans, you’re just punishing them for having an interest in your work. Thanks for giving them a shitty first impression. It’s like greeting someone with a handshake after wiping your ass with a single square of toilet paper.
Dialog/skits that are not left as separate tracks
Why the fuck do bands feel the need to add skits to their songs? This is mainly shit that rappers do, because they all seem to think that they’re comedy geniuses on par with Rudy Ray Moore. Sorry, but when I want to hear “Gin and Juice,” I don’t want it to be preceded by the sound of some guy taking a piss. It’s not just skits though. One thing that fucking infuriates me to the point of blinding rage is when I shell out good money for a box set, and because it’s representing something historic they feel the need to add snippets from historical speeches to the tracks themselves. So I’ll hear some funk song, and when the track ends a fucking Malcolm X snippets plays, which was NOT part of the original song, just something that the compilers added to say “THIS IS IMPORTANT.” Sometimes it’s not “important” at all, just something cute to wink at the buyer. Earlier I was listening to an Ultra Lounge comp with a French theme, and tacked onto the end of a bunch of tracks is a lady with a heavy French accent talking about France. This is NOT INTERESTING. In fact, it’s worse than that, it’s fucking annoying and makes me want to throw the goddamn CD out the window. If I want to hear random talking, I’ll go back to audiobooks. When I put on a music CD, especially a compilation, I want to hear music and no fucking added bullshit! Now if I ever want to make a comp of my favorite songs from this series, I’m going to have to do a bunch of editing myself because the folks who released this CD are a bunch of twats. Go fuck yourselves.