Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Lowering Your Standards for Explosions is Counterproductive

I never saw the first Transformers movie for two reasons. One reason was that I never watched the cartoon as a child, so I had no attachment to these characters. The second was that it looked fucking retarded. Imagine my shock when, sitting in the theater ready to watch a typical blockbuster film (I think it was Star Trek), the preview for the sequel comes on, and it looks like it could be a damn fine film. It looked dark. The special effects looked great instead of obnoxious. There was a feeling of dread in that preview that made me reconsider my opinion of Michael Bay. I actually considered watching it.

Then, I saw another preview.

Aside from the special effects, the film looks like a steaming pile of metallic shit. I read some reviews, and I find out that it’s just more of Michael Bay’s typical bullshit. I don’t even want to catch this fucker in the dollar theater. I’ve seen some of his other films and know exactly what to expect. I believe that it is impossible for certain directors to make a film that I would want to see, since the type of shit that gets them off is the stuff that shrivels me up.

I bring this up because when I saw another film this weekend, I saw the preview for 2012, and it looked like a great “everyone is going to die” movie. Hell, I thought that maybe there might even be some decent character development and a good story to boot. Then I saw that it was directed by Roland Emmerich, the same numbnuts who did Independence Day and Godzilla, two films that I have an intense hatred for. Looks like I’ll be skipping this one, too.

I hate the argument that “it doesn’t matter if the acting and plot sucks, those special effects are awesome!” Or even “what were you expecting when you went to this movie?” People who make these arguments need to be punched repeatedly in the face. James Cameron consistently made great action films with believable characters and good plots. The first two Spider-Man films were fun and all around great movies. The Dark Knight was a great FILM that had a ton of action in it. There is no reason whatsoever for me to give leeway to these directors of shit films just because the genre they work in has a lot of explosions and fighting. Is it really too much to ask these people to hire someone to put a few days worth of effort into making the script believable? There’s really no excuse for this except laziness.

Of course, since Transformers 2 is raking in the cash, any positive effects The Dark Knight may have had on action films have been officially flushed down the shitter.

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