Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Fun With Writing Prompts

"Your friend tells you he can pick up any girl at the bar, no matter what he says. You bet him $100 he can't. Create the world's worst pick up line and send your friend off into the crowd. What happens?"
--- Taken from Writer's Digest.

Periwinkle and Enrique were at a bar together, joking about the various women that they've been with. The subject came about due to an uncomfortable rash that Periwinkle had for the past two weeks, and these two rapscallions were trying to figure out the source. Enrique was particularly interested, mainly due to the fact that he took a great deal of pride in having his way with women after Periwinkle, and was nervous that a rash was right around the corner for him.

Enrique lifted his glass of Chianti and suggested that the bar was "dead," and that these two Lotharios may be better serviced at another bar. Periwinkle countered with the following:

"Tsk tsk! I thought you would have more nerve than that! Speak for yourself, fellow, for I, Periwinkle, can ravish any fine maiden from New York to Anaheim!"

Enrique slid his hand into his pocket and eyed Periwinkle. "Care to make it interesting?"

He pulled out a wad of rolled hundred dollar bills, and peeled off a $100 note. "I will lay down this hundred note, and say that you cannot have your way with the woman of my choosing."

Periwinkle grinned. "My fellow, your mind seems to have gone the way of your nerve! I will take this wager, and not only will I ravish this maiden, but I will supply the evidence of the fact afterward."

Enrique scanned the bar. Near the corner was a heavily-bosomed woman with pink lipstick, wavy hair, and long legs. Her complexion was that of a fine Colombian coffee, lightened with the sweetest of creams. Dear reader, a look from this maiden would leave not a single dry seat in the room. Lesser men nearby trembled with fear when she looked at them. They purchased her drink after drink, in hopes of receiving a smile. Even the hint of a smile would send tingles from a man's scalp to his nether regions. This was the challenge for Periwinkle.

"Ha!" laughed Periwinkle. "A simple matter. None can resist my charm. Observe, dear brother."

Periwinkle approached this maiden with a strut which brought shame to the other men. He pulled a stool from nearby and sat it directly in front of her. She patted her hair gingerly, wanting to keep it fine for what was coming. She was accustomed to crushing men, and wanted to look good while doing it.

Periwinkle spoke:

"You know, I couldn't help but notice your breasts from across the room. My father, bless his soul, was a cantaloupe grower, and throughout my life I have yearned to suckle a teat which would cause those memories to cascade down my vision, sending waves of euphoria all over my body. Maiden, those breasts of yours are reminiscent of those cantaloupes, and it would be a true honor for me to suckle them."

The woman stared at him, her mouth open slightly. Such words to her have never been spoken. She stood up, and laid her hand upon his arm.

"Let us retire to my van. I have it stationed nearby, and I cannot wait a moment longer. I do not want your name, dear sir, nor any further preliminaries. Let us away!"

Enrique was astounded. He held his glass aloft and said quietly, "Godspeed, young man. You truly are a man to be admired above all others."

Twenty minutes later Periwinkle ran back into the bar with deep scratches covering his face. "That fucking bitch robbed me!"

Enrique dropped his glass. "What the...what the hell happened?"

"She fucking pulled a knife on me and brought me to that ATM down at the 7/11. She made me pull out $300 bucks and then took my wallet! I don't even have my fucking car keys anymore because they fell out of my pocket in her van!"

"Christ, man. Should we call the cops?"

"No...this is embarrassing and I just want to go home. My mom's sick and she doesn't like me being out late."

"Well, damn bro. I'm sorry you didn't get to nail her."

Periwinkle brought his middle and index finger up to Enrique's nose.

"Who says I didn't?"

1 comment:

becausewemust said...

in the beginning this actually made my eyes roll and yet at the end i laughed my ass off. since, periwinkle's got a "rash," he's also (most likely) the type that never washes his hands. in my mind, that asshole lied about gettin' some. his hands probably always smell like douche.

-sofia