Monday, July 28, 2008

Return of the Pee-Pee Boy

The night started out just like any other.

I had just finished working at the adult information desk for an hour and moved over to the much louder children's section, and was talking to my supervisor. While discussing an allegedly fun-filled work extravaganza that I was supposed to be attending in a few weeks these two little brats hauled-ass through the library. This is nothing new, as there are always kids running back and forth, almost bumping into people and annoying anyone who doesn't own them. "WALK!" my supervisor shouted. They of course ignored her.

I was talking to my supervisor again. Out of the corner of my eye I see the two little kids running across the opposite end of the children's section, and into the bathroom. Now, nobody at any age EVER runs that fast and that loudly to the bathroom, laughing and shouting, and if they do they're put in a "special" home. I stood up and stormed over to the restroom, ready to lay down the law. I yanked the door open and saw one kid facing me and his friend facing the wall. "He peeing on the wall!" the kid said, and the kid facing the wall turned towards me with his shirt scrunched up oddly above his pants, and a big wet blotch where the shirt would hang over the front. I looked at the wall, and sure enough there was a puddle of piss where his feet were, and a splatter on the wall. I asked Pee-Pee Boy, "Where are your parents?" "I didn't pee!!!" he said in that desperate kid-whine. "Where are your parents?" I repeated. "It was him, not me!" he said while pointing to his friend who ratted him out. After a surprisingly short time of getting him to stop shifting the blame, he finally took me to him mom, and I told her what happened. Her face switched into that expression which only a mother can give to her child, an expression which I'm glad I'll never see again. Looking at her face, you just knew the kid was going to get it, and bad. I took her to the restroom and showed her the puddle of piss. She assured me that she was going to discipline him. As I walked away I could have sworn I heard her say "get down there." My heart dropped. As absolutely bratty as these kids were, I remembered when I was younger and tried to flush a dodge ball down a toilet and flooded the bathroom. I wasn't actually trying to flush it down, I was just having fun being bad and showing off to my friends. You don't give a shit about libraries or anything else when you're a child, you just make noise and do stupid things and don't truly know the concept of regret. I looked at the Pee-Pee Boy, and I saw myself. Maybe one day he'll grow up to be a linguist or a DJ. Now, though, he's gonna get his ass whipped.

I told my coworkers about Pee-Pee Boy, and the general consensus was that his pissing on the wall was disgusting. As I walked to the back I saw that Pee-Pee Boy and his mom were leaving. She turned to me and asked if I were sure that it was him. I described exactly what I saw when I opened the door. She looked at him and asked him, "did you pee on the wall?" He looked down and shook his head "yes." I turned around and felt very relieved that I didn't accidentally get the wrong kid in trouble. But then again, he DID have that piss stain on his shirt. They left, and I went to the bathroom, pissing into the toilet the way you're supposed to in a civilized society. One day, though, there might not be any more toilets, and we'll all be Pee-Pee Boys. Today is not that day.


cherrybomb said...

You always provide the best graphics.

ajay said...

Gotta love Georgia. Enjoy.

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